Weekend Smiles

Imponderables

A stitch in time saves nine what? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? Are female moths called myths? Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors? Are there any unguided missiles? Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say “Do Not Pass”? Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop? Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener? Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer? Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime? Day light savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it? Did Noah keep his bees in archives? Do boxer shorts box? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? Do clowns wear really big socks? Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped? Do fish get thirsty? Do hummingbirds hum because they don’t know the words? Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites? Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans? Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘up over’? Do pilots take crash-courses? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”? Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms? Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers? Do steam rollers really roll steam? Do television evangelists do more than lay people? –Stanley Ralph Moss Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? Do witches run spell checkers? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them? Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Does a man-eating shark eat women, too? Does killing time damage eternity? Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem? Have you ever wondered? How can someone “draw a blank”? How can there be self-help “groups”? How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes? How come chocolate milk doesn’t come from brown cows? How come I can pick my ears but not my nose? How come wrong numbers are never busy? How dead is the Dead Sea? How did a fool and his money get together? How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done? How do I set my laser printer on stun? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? How do they get the “Keep off the Grass” sign on the grass? How do you get off a nonstop flight? How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you’ve tried some of the others? How do you know when you’ve run out of invisible ink?

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