Canada Day Smiles

You Might Be Canadian If

Your municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You bring a portable TV on a camping trip so that you don’t miss Hockey Night.

You can repeat the entire Molson’s Canadian ‘The Rant’.

You know all the words to “If I had a million dollars” by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.

You dismiss all beers under 6% as “for children and the elderly.”

You remember when Alanis Morrissette was “Too Hot To Hold”.

You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.

You can sing “O’ Canada” in French and actually know what the words mean.

You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.

You think Great Big Sea isn’t Atlantic-centric enough.

You know the names of all the guys in Sloan.

You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.

You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada

You love your fries with poutine

You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards.

You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky (alternately Gordie and Howe).

You substitute beer for water when cooking.

You know Casey and Finnegan are NOT a Celtic rock band or imported beer.

You know who Foster Hewitt is.

You know that the Canadian Alliance is just the Reform Party with better hair.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You cried when you heard that “Mr Dress Up” died.

You brag to Americans: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & more, are Canadians.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced “Zed”

You know how to pronounce and spell “Saskatchewan”

You perk up when you hear the theme song from “Hockey Night in Canada.”

You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

You know that Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores before Christmas.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles a meat processing plant.

You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.

The trunk of your car doubles as a freezer.

You can play road hockey on skates.

Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks:

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May you may live in Canada.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you may live in Canada.

If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Canada

If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialled a wrong number, you may live in Canada

If “Vacation” means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend you may live in Canada.

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Canada

If you have switched from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day and back again, you may live in Canada

If you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Canada

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Canada

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Canada

If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Canada

If the speed limit on the highway is 80km — you’re going 90 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Canada

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Canada

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Canada.

If you find 2 degrees “a little chilly”, you may live in Canada

If you actually understand these jokes, and send them to all your Canadian friends & others, you definitely live in Canada.

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