Weekend Smiles

A toothpaste factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem. The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, and third-parties selected. Six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution – on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased.

They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory.

With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was well spent. He then reviewed the line statistics report and discovered the number of empty boxes picked up by the scale in the first week was consistent with projections, however, the next three weeks were zero! The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen boxes a day. He had the engineers check the equipment, they verified the report as accurate.

Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about.

“Oh, that,” the supervisor replied, “Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over, removing the box and re-starting the line every time the bell rang.”

The old French lady

Heard a story once about an old French lady who’d run a small shop in her village for years, until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop. They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said “Butter – 10 francs”. In response, the lady added a sign to her own window, “Butter – 9 francs”. The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign, “Butter – 8 francs”. Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read “7 francs”. This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said, “Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.” In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered, “Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”

Did you hear about the woman who had 100 kids?

Well she sucked at naming children, so she decided to just number them in birth order. One, Two, Three, etc. Well, one day, her and all of her children were in a tragic plane accident and the only one who survived was 90. After years of grief and growing, 90 got married and had some kids of her own. One day, they found a stray dog and decided to keep it. But, just like her mom, she sucked at naming things. So they decided to call the dog, “That”. After years, and years of a happy life, 90 and her husband became old and ill, eventually losing their memory. They didn’t know who their children were or what their dogs name was. Only 90’s kids will remember that.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, you can hide, but you can’t run.

Coffee

Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.

Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.

Kids Names

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: “Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?”

“Well, honey,” the mother says, “it’s because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head.”

Satisfied, the child goes away.

Later, the middle child tugs at her mother’s hand. “Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?”

“Well, darling,” the mother says, “it’s because when you were a little baby, a feather floated down and landed on your head.”

The little girl smiles and goes on her way.

A few moments later the youngest child runs into the room and says: “WARGLBARGLAAHRGLB?”

The mother says: “Shut up, Refrigerator.”

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