Weekend Smiles

Jokes so bad they’re funny.

Q: How do you think the unthinkable?

A: With an itheberg.

Q: Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

A: They each got 6 months

Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

Q: Where do the generals keep their armies?

A: In their sleevies.

Q: Why don’t ants get sick?

A: Because they have little anty-bodies.

Q: Why can’t dinosaurs clap?

A: Because they’re dead.

The frustrated cannibal threw up his arms

Q: Why do white sheep eat more than black sheep?

Cause there’s more of ‘em.

Q: Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

A: Because if they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.

I was fired from a calendar factory once when I took a few days off.

One time I went duck hunting and the guide pointed to a flock of geese and said “you know why one side of the V formation is longer? Because there are more geese in it.”

The mighty thunder god rode his valiant steed to the top of the mountain, raised his hammer high into the air and called out “I am Thor!”

His horse turned around and said “You forgot your thaddle, thilly.”

Q: When is a door not a door?

A: When it’s ajar.

Q: When is a car not a car?

A: When it turns into a driveway!

Why do you drive on a parkway but park in a driveway?

If the pen is mightier than the sword, why do actions speak louder than words?

Why does read rhyme with reed but read rhymes with red?

Q: What animal can jump higher than a house?

A: All of them. Houses can’t jump.

Q: What’s grey and can’t swim?

A: A castle.

Q: What’s yellow and hurts when it gets in your eye?

A: A bulldozer.

Q: What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A: A brick.

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