Weekend Smiles

Drumpf’s First Night In the White House

The Donald is elected president….

On the first night he spends in the White House, he is visited by the ghost of George Washington.

He asks him, “George, what can I do to best serve the United States?”

The ghost of George Washington responds, “Never tell a lie.”

He says, “Oh, I don’t think I can do that.”

The next night, he is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

He asks him, “Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?”

The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, “Do not bully the people.”

He says, “Oh, I don’t think I can do that.”

On the third night, he is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

He asks him, “Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?”

The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, “Go see a play.”

Becoming Russian

Paul is being interviewed by the Russian government:

Govt. Official: “If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?”

Paul: “Give it to Mother Russia.”

Govt. Official: “And if you had a palace, what would you do with it?”

Paul: “Give it to Mother Russia.”

Govt. Official: “And if you had a sweater, what would you do with it?”

No reply.

Government official asks the question again.

And still not reply.

Finally he shouts: “Paul, why don’t you reply?”

Paul: “Because I have a sweater.”

Boss Joke

There was a boss looking to hire someone. But, this boss had one funny thing about him, he didn’t have any ears and was very sensitive about it. First day someone comes for an interview and does great on the exam. Then the boss asks him “do you notice anything funny about me”? After pausing for a second he says “yes, you don’t have any ears”. The boss throws him out.

Next day another guys comes in. He too does great on the exam. The boss asks him if he noticed anything funny about him. He start stuttering and fidgeting trying to get out of the situation. The boss urges him “c’mon tell me what’s funny” finally he tells him “you don’t have ears”. The boss throws him out too.

Third day another guy comes in. He aces the exam and the boss is very excited. Then the boss asks him ” do you notice anything funny about me”? He thinks for a second and then replies “Yes , you wear contact lenses”.Amazed the boss asks him “Wow, how did you know that”? To which he responds “Easy, you don’t have any ears so you can’t wear glasses”!

An old man lived alone. He wanted to dig his vegetable garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply,” For heaven’s sake Dad, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the Money!” At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son’s reply was: “Now plant your vegetables, Dad. It’s the best I could do from here.”

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